Cross stitching is ridiculously time consuming. So I have been working on this piece on and off for a couple of years now. It’s probably gonna take me a couple more years to finish.
I will end up with a schawl, and the lacey pattern is really starting show.
I’ve started a new semester, and therefore a new lecturecraft. This will (hopefully) become a new scarf 😉
I have slept like crap. It’s my sister-in-law-to-be’s bachelorette party tonight, which I have been looking forward to for weeks. And then, this morning, I realised that means meeting a lot of new people. I don’t do well with new people, so I am feeling super anxious right now. I bought new lipstick ‘cos I had forgotten mine.
The light in here sucks, but I feel like I at least look decent. If I feel like I look good my anxiety tends to calm down a bit. So yah. It will be fun, just tiring:-)
I am currently on a 9 hour bustrip to go to a bachelorette party in a different city. My sister-in-law-to-be is getting married, and I don’t do to good on planes, so I am taking the buss half way across the country instead. The busdriver drives choppily so the bus keeps lurching, and the air in the bus is super stale so I don’t feel too good right now. I brought some books and my current crochet project to stay entertained, but that ain’t happening right now. So it’s audiobooks and staring out the window for me. And boy, Norway is a gorgeous country isn’t it?
Taking good pictures from a moving car is hard…. ;-P
Do you ever have a “that kind of day”? Where nothing seems to go right?
I am having one of those days. I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm sounded, and thought I would have lots of time to get ready. I time most of the things I do in the morning with an alarm, to make sure I won’t be late. Even with the timer and the 30 extra minutes I almost missed my bus. I didn’t really spend any extra time on anything, but I must have, ‘cos all the time disappeared.
And then I got stressed and manage to tight-line my eyelid instead of my waterline, and had to fix that. I forgot my sunglasses. I almost forgot my lunch. My schedule includes 15 minutes to eat breakfast, today I ate my breakfast on the bus. And to top it all off, the strap on my bag broke, so I had to carry it by the stupid other straps that hurt my arm. I have NO IDEA where all my extra time went, but when it disappeared it took all of the other time with it!
I am on an internship at the moment, on day 4, in a library. I still feel like I do everything wrong, and spend suuuuper long on everything I do. And while I sort of know people, I don’t really know them yet, so most conversations are awkward and weird.
It’s that kind of day today…. Bleh
So I sit down with my computer, my coffee, some snacks, my school books, a pretty and inspiring notebooks and some colourful pens. I take a deep breath, know that for the next three days I will be in home-exam hell and open my assignment. It looks nice and do-able, I’ll definitely pass this. I look over my notes, and find the appropriate textbook chapters and start reading, drawing up my thoughts on a piece of papers. Half and hour later I take a little break, do some recreational reading, and then go back to work. Except now I cannot understand the subject matter any longer. Suddenly I am John Snow, I know NOTHING!! I do some breathing exercises, open Reddit, maybe some light browsing will help. Nope. I watch a YouTube video. Nothing yet. I spend 4 hours in hole of YouTube, Reddit and online newspapers, I have written 100 words. It’s late, I go to bed. The next day I watch some TV, and then I write another 500 words in between YouTube, reading and surfing. I know all I have written is utter garbage, I hate my self, I am gonna fail and never get employment, Boyfriend is gonna leave me, and I will end up homeless. Deep breath. Another 10 words. Good. All I need is to pass. I watch an episode of Orphan Black. It will be fine. Read two pages write 10 more words. 620. 10% done. Yaaaass. I’ve got this. It’s getting to be dinner time, I eat something. I get back and I am John Snow again, the text book has lost all meaning, now not only to I know nothing, I understand NOTHING, I am John freakin’ RAIN! Godammit! Deep breath. It’s late. I will finish it tomorrow. The next morning I wake up. I have 28 hours left when I get up. I cannot do this. I will fail. I read something nice to cheer myself up. Play some cell phones games. I can do this. 26 more hours, nothing makes sense. Write some bullshit. An E is good enough. More bull shit. I feel sick to my stomach. Everything I’ve written is crap. Make cross off lists, nice doable tasks, with break times and rewards for every milestone. Two hours and fifteen YouTube videos later I feel ready to throw up, I bullshit some more. Nearly halfway. It is impossible to make sense of what I have written. I will be homeless. Drink more coffee. 75%. Write the literature list. I hate myself, I wanna throw up. 80%. My hands are shaking from too much caffeine. It’s 10PM, 12 more hours. 95%. Proof read. Throw out a lot. 75%. 12 PM. 80%. 1 AM. I eat a bag of chips and drink cold coffee. Make more coffee. 90%. 3 AM. 5 hours past my normal bedtime. I am a self-loathing heap of snot, tears and nausea. Never give John Rain. It makes no sense, it’s garbage, you will fail and they will throw you of the school. 5 AM. 5 hours to go. I deliver the exam. I hate it and myself. Everything is awful. The next three weeks are spent wavering between thinking I failed and hating myself, thinking I failed and knowing I will do better when I retake it, and thinking I passed. After three weeks I get my grade. I got a C.
It’s that time of the year folks. When I have constant exam anxiety and post blocks of semi-sensical text. Here’s an old, crappy, unedited, ramby bookblog XP
I need to getting better at making thoseXP
Three little chrochet flower bookmarks. Amazing what tightening or losening my chrochet stitches can do to the size of a finished project isn’t it? These are all made with the same type of yarn and the same needle.
It’s 5c degrees out today, so I busted out my cute little red docMarten heels and am pretending it’s spring. It’s not ofcourse, but I am still gonna soak up whatever little sun I can and eat icecream with my sister:-D